Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
