we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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