i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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