FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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