I am puke
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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