He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
