Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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