Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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