Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
