I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
