tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
