i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
