just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
