if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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