I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
