i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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