if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
