Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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