Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
