Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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