I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
