I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
