Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
wow bdsm is so cute
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