And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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