M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
