My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
