I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
