Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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