I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
