Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
