My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
