His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
