I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
