Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
