You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
