i permit you to call me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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