wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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