So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
