The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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