he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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