I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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