So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
