Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
