1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
