so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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