Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
