I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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