Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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