big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
