I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
