The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
