please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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