She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
