spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
