Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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