i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
