bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
