I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
