ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
