Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
