I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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