so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
