omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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