On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
