Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
