remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
