somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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